well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
