sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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