the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
