if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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