1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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