Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
