Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
