There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
