i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I want a musical about memes.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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