Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
