I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
