you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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