I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
