The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
