I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize