Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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