Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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