"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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