it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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