Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
