If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize