I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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