Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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