he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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