i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
