So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i wish my penis had a tongue
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
