It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
