No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
