the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
