well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
