u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
