Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
