bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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