So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
