so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
