Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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