counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize