I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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