coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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