he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
