I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
