I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
