She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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