I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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