Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
