I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
