have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
