my phone needs a breathalizer
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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