I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
