Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
