I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
