found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
