Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
