If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
