Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Your penis caused this!
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