Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
