those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
