can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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