I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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