It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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